- cool, thanks, kyle. oh, and kyle, happy passover. - happy passover, cartman. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the daily show. thank you for joining us. yes, oh, we're excited to welcome this gentleman back, our guest tonight rob corddry is joining us. (cheers and applause) >> that man, and i don't mind saying it this, that man is easily in my top two

favorite corddry's who has ever worked here. (laughter) hey, you're a regular watcher of this program. you may have noticed one, i recently had a breast reduction. (laughter) (cheers and applause) they are real and they are-- and two, we've got a presidential election coming up. america's demographics have changed dramatically in the past two decade there are two ways a political party can react to that you can either expand your appeal to a new field of voters by making their issues your issues. well, or -- >> can they pass the voter ohio law, loy loy, pennsylvania. >> gorge gra, quind end rnld kansas, are allowed to require photo i.d.. >> it disproportionately affects democratic voters. >> these laws disproportionately affect minority, the young, the old, the poor. >> stephen: the young, the old, the poor minorities.

four horsemen of the democalypse. which is why it is the subject of tonight's democalypse 2012. as you know-- as you know and you well know this, in person voter fraud is an enormous issue with more than exactly 10 documented cases of it in the entire country alone. just since the beginning of the millennium. that's .000000284% of all votes! (laughter) so you can see why pennsylvania would want to enact a voter i.d. law that one city claims could-- or around 9% of the entire pennsylvania electorate. but that's the price you pay to prevent something that doesn't happen. (laughter) it's like how peanut put

certificate made with huge amounts of hydro coloric acid to-- dragon bones that may have gotten into it during the manufacturing process. will you lose some people who die by eating hydro coloric acid, of course. but isn't it worth knowing that your peanut butter is dragon bone free? now pennsylvania has voted democrat-- democratic in the last five presidential elections. leaning toward os bama in this election. not only this voter i.d. law is blatantly designed to skew that result, right? the house republican majority leader that designed it. >> voter i.d. which is going to allow governor romney to win the state of pennsylvania, done. (laughter) >> jon: lord knows we didn't want romney running on his personality and policy, am i right people. and i'm assuming that the judge in pennsylvania who has been asked to review it

will see it as a partisan act. >> it is a stunning decision from the pennsylvania court. the state's new tough voter i.d. law will not be stopped. the judge believes it will be carried out in a nonpartisan evenhanded manner. (laughter) >> jon: yes, of course. this law created for specifically partisan purposes will be carried out in a nonpartisan evenhanded manner. much in the way that robo saarus while created solely as an automobile eating machine, will most likely valet park at your party with no foreseeable problems. why would it-- maybe i'm being too hard on it. as long as voters are educated about the law in a nonpartisan way. >> a contract? for the job of educating pennsylvaniaians on the new voting restrictions was given to a man who has helped raise $30,000 for the mitt romney for president campaign. he's also the former

executive director of the state republican party. >> jon: robo saarus hungry! robosaurus smash! well, i guess that does explain the new voter i.d. ad i saw. >> was's up, pennsylvania, guess whose's come together montgomerie county ampitheatre. it's the motor city mad mern ted nudge ent. reasons hey, fellow republicans, now that all the democrats are changed the channels here is voting information. when you go to vote for mitt romney bring photo identification. it is required. and don't tell any blacks or old people. ad paid for by those who want romney to win. >> jon: i wonder if he got that at a shell ter. but as ridiculous as this voter i.d. business it is

not like pennsylvania is doing something crazy like giving republican counties more time to vote then democratic counties. they're not crazy. >> the latest twist on this has republicans in ohio restricting early voting hours on democratic counties but extending early voting hours in the republican ones. >> jon: are you-- [bleep] kidding me! all americans who want equal access to the vote take two-steps forward, not so fast people who live on martin luther king boulevard south. now you might wonder how it would even be possible for ohio to divide up voting hours by how districts vote. funny story. ohio county election board each have two republicans an two democrats and the guy who breaks the tie in establishing powers is ohio secretary of state john houston. republican. guess who he has been siding with. it's as fair as when your

dad breaks the tie between you and your mom over whether you get to stay out all night drinking. except instead of staying out all night drinking, it's voting. maybe i'm missing something. please explain how fewer people voting somehow enhances the democratic process. >> i don't think that the bar is too high there for anybody who really cares about the future of our country and wants to have their voice heard by voting. we try to make it easy but we can't, you know, i say we're not 7-11. we can't stay open 24/7 and let anybody vote by any rule that they want to. >> jon: surely we can't expect our constitutionally guaranteed voting rights to meet the same high standards as a combination gas station convenience store. (laughter) need i remind you of the strict dress code. not surprisingly, this situation and the ruling

provokes a national outcry. >> after heavy criticism, ohio secretary of state has just ordered that all 88 counties in that state have to abide by the same early voting rules. >> and i would have gotten away with it too. (laughter) >> jon: if it weren't for that meddling constitution and of course those kids in that van. they really were the ones it that really-- (cheers and applause) two things, two states, two completely different means of suppressing democratic turnout. here is the one thing i have in common. the mechanism of the vote are in the hands of partisan elected officials. perhaps's it's time the wheels of society took our cues from other highly evolved democracies and

election oversight like they do in mexico, canada, india and of course rwanda. that's right. a place so terrible don cheadle made a movie about a hotel there. no, that's the other-- yeah. (applause) we got to get our [bleep] together. we'll be right back.

(cheers and applause) welcome back. this is our last program before we take the shows to

the conventions that are coming up in tampa and charlotte. we won't be on the air next week. please know this, our training, our preparation will continue. >> with 1 week to go until convention season correspondent training camp is in full swing. >> what do we know about tampa. >> it's horrible. >> everyone knows that, what else. >> paul. >> it's really hot. >> climate training may prepare the body but a correspondent's mind must also be sharp and the only way to ensure that is a full contact scrimmage. >> today we're going to be estimate 4r5i9ing conditions right outside that door are thousands of innocent-- so get your [bleep] game faces on and get in there and

[bleep] there [bleep]. >> unfortunately there was only one convention being held in the entire tristate area. >> after four years off the veterans were already in mid season form. >> is obamacare going affect the model train industry. >> of course it is, because if -- >> hold on t is. >> yes. if -- >> how -- >> you wrote this by yourself. >> by myself. >> you didn't build this. >> all those girls who rejected you, they built this. >> where is the planned parenthood in this community. because you realize if you don't create a safe place for those to happen, people are going to do it anyway except they will do it right here in this little tiny back alley. >> but the rookies quickly find out this job is not always easy. >> how long did it take to plan a [bleep] convention like this. >> i don't think that's fair.

i mean these are families, people here for a good time and this is a very large train show and there's a lot here to see for everybody. >> sorry. >> things were going south fast. >> with just days to go, the 2004 hall of fame certificate brought back to inspire -- >> are you pathetic. >> who? >> wrong, you hesitated. you fought, you can't-- you think wolf blitzer thinks? what are you laughing at. what are you laughing at. you saw it again. whose's this? come here. >> who? >> come here. >> that's-- back on the field, the team runs a series of key plays. like the speculative call. >> my sources are saying it is going to be the blue train, the blue train will be [bleep] it. >> the assault and tweet. >> what are you doing to effectively woo the latinos. >> give them reasonable

prices. >> are you saying latinos are poor. oh, i'm going to tweet that right now. >> no. >> too late, you can't take back tweets. >> the soul crusher. >> we need to be eliciting real emotion from people. watch this. >> you see that, that say broken man. that's what you want. >> and when all else fails, the hail mary. >> what are your political leanings. >> conservative. >> really. >> i couldn't help but notice you sell grass. >> yeah, i sell grass. >> got you. >> when it comes to gotchas what matters is quantity, not quality. >> where were these trains manufactured, china. gotcha. what do they run on dirty coal, gotcha, who is the president of uzbekistan, gotcha, three in a row, whoo. the grueling hours of training are starting to pay off. the questions still remain. will we be fast enough. will we be loud enough.

will we be close enough. >> all day, all day. >> will we do whatever is necessary to get to the story. >> senator, a word. >> if-- is any indication we're ready. >> let's run it, okay, on three, two-- no, time, time, time, time. replay, replay, replay. >> there aren't many black people here s that intentional. >> black folks just don't seem to care as much about this hobby as other folks. >> no one can know for sure what will happen when the first balloon drops in tampa. >> where are we going put these microphones. >> where? >> again, again. >> one thing is certain, the daily show news team going to leave everything on the field. (cheers and applause) >> we'll be right back

>> welcome back, my guest tonight this gentleman is a former daily show correspondent emmy nominated show children's hospital is now on four season. >> give room 3 an extra dose, check on him and call me if he has a reaction. >> no problem. and also i don't know if you remember what happened in the closet three weeks ago. >> let me guess, you're pregnant. >> yeah, i'm sorry. >> it's fine, it's fine. it's just that i make a lot of money and i play a lot of golf and i own a lot of cufflinks and you're, you know, you get it. >> i get it, totally. >> but i will pay pore the child support and the education. >> okay, cool. >> okay. >> great. >> just remember to check on the kid in room three. >> welcome back to the program, mr. rob corddry.

>> want me to take my shirt off. >> no, no, no, i'm fine. i prefer it. i have to say, first of all, it's great to see you. you look great. okay, you see what i did though when you came up t is a new maneuver, the short guy maneuver. i shake hands with the guests when they are down there. so come back. >> wait a minute. >> i will show you what i do. so walk in. so rob corddry, everybody. (cheers and applause) that's what i do. watch, look at the shot. i am your father! now watch f we shake hand down heres i'm a human size person now and then boom -- >> and then by the time i'm here. >> what. >> now you don't even know. now are you like is that a-- shot oh wow. now you sit down. >> that is the magic of perspective. i did that with misty may

trainer who is also an olympian, she is 8 and a half feet tall. >> i actually never, i worked here for about five years i never noticed, are you not a tall person. >> no. >> i never knew that. >> regis philbin, it's true, he is on television, people don't realize, regis phil pin is 11 inches tall. yeah, very few people realize that. >> i am also, i have am 98 pounds fwhu is like, yeah, the camera adds about 100 and-- fivish. >> you have the adamant skeleton. is that -- i did not realize, are you an olympian of some sort. >> yeah, i got-- i thought this was why i was on. >> no. >> oh this is superembarrassing then. i feel like i'm showing off. >> no, no, i'm glad. i didn't-- i watched a lot of olympic coverage. i don't recall seeing you. >> no, it was not televised. >> yeah. >> yeah. >> what was your -- >> it was mugging gymnastics.

>> oh. >> you mug the gymnasts for their medal. >> no, no, a lot of people make that mistake. it's not mugging as in, like some people think you mug a gymnast for their medal and tumble away with streamers. >> sure, it isn't that. >> it isn't. >> no, it's mugging like making stupid faces. >> i'm not in that? >> i stole a lot of stuff from you, i have to shall did -- i'm so glad you didn't see it. >> no, that would be tough. >> it's a pleasure to see you. the show is hilarious. >> thank you. >> the children's hospital show is hilarious. >> thank you. >> although are you nominated for an emmy up against the daily show correspondents. >> how about that, huh? how about that. >> yeah. (laughter) >> how about -- >> it's just interesting. >> it's funny the way-- yeah, yeah, whatever, though, who cares, we're all winners, you know what, [bleep] like that. >> you've had a lot of success and they're here still, you know, busting their tails, grinding. >> no, but i feel like-- you can take a dive on this one,

maybe, you know what i mean, like give them a-- shot. >> just one, all i want is one, by the way. give the bald guy a shot. sometimes people have inspirational things posted on their office doors. give a bald guy a shot is-- i don't know if that is -- >> every morning i was coming here to jon's office, i am like good morning, jon, give a bald guy a shot. >> jon: by the way, did you before you go i do have, when you left here and obviously you left in a bit of a hurry. >> i left in a huff. >> jon: a little bit of a hurry. did you leave some stuff. >> oh my gosh. >> jon: yeah. si have a box of stuff that-- okay, there's-- i guess i don't know what that is. >> no, no, no. this is not-- this is not mine. this was ed, i do not do drugs this is ed helms. that is mine. (laughter) this is mine. i know because my bags of weed i always put stickers

of a marijuana on it. so that,. >> jon: you got to label it. >> if you don't label t you don't know s this oregano, i don't know what it is. >> it might get mixed up with colbert's balance of weed, you know. >> jon: every correspondent had their own drug stash. >> yeah. we're all germ o phones. it's been five years. >> oh my gosh. >> jon: . >> i think this is my mocka china from 2005. huh-uh, no-- no, it still holds up. it still holds up. the only other-- . >> jon: that is a frappuccino. hang on, hang on. >> you know what is funny about this, jon, is actually-- yeah, yeah. >> a little piece of trivia for you. i actually named this adolph. (laughter) >> let me tell you

something-- (laughter) >> jon: if only winning world war ii had been that easy. we would invade germany with a giant dildo, a trojan dildo. brother, man, it's always so nice to see you. rob corddry, the funniest man, children's hospital. adults swim thursdays at midnight. rob corddry! (cheers and applause)